It’s That Time Of Year

I know a part of the problem is that I am slowly becoming a curmudgeon, being an 80′s baby now has its archaic qualities I suppose. But for Christ’s sake, this is the same guy who once laced Goodie Mob with hooks so ill, The Deadliest Catch crew wouldn’t have known what to do with them. Now he’s pasted in a Santa outfit spewing holiday jargon with a bunch of Muppets. Ugh, tack this up on the dartboard along with Andre 3000′s non-stop pursuit of the perfect Gillette ad and Dr Dre’s undying effort to push Dr Pepper. It’s that time of year I guess, where puppets and Muppets sell music and everything else under the sun. If you’re going to go there, go there, like Kid did.

My sister thinks he is overrated…

…but he is one of my favorite new rappers, coming up and getting respect: Kendrick Lamar. So I was wondering what kind of F**cking Problems K.dot had.
To be fair, I only listened to this track once.

But when you listen to this song, if you listen really close, with like, your third ear (similar to your third eye, but located inside of your brain)…you can hear in the background chicks singing on the chorus & throughout, “dirty dicks, dirty dicks, dirty dicks.” This song & songs like it just make me think of disease these days. My face was in a tight ball signaling yucky disgust the entire time. If you have a f**cking problem, you probably also have a problem with your dick dripping (not pee) every once in a while and those are NOT the kind of problems you want women thinking of when you are some dude rapping on a track, right?

Can’t imagine liking the A$AP version better, but who knows.

xoxo – Lady T

Fatty Boom Boom

What you’ll see in this video:

1. A depiction of what an urban street in South Africa must look like to an ignorant hick from Alabama
2. White people with full body paint, including some ‘blackface’ action
3. A gynecological scene that features the “birth” of a prawn from a human vagina (based on Vagina Prawn scene from ‘Black Gynaecologist’ by Anton Kannemeyer)
4. A real lion appearing to eat a not-so real Lady Gaga

And not for one moment will you be offended. That is the magic of Die Antwoord, intent on shocking you, yet failing miserably to raise a goose bump. This track is off their second studio album, Ten$Ion, which dropped in January of this year. The reception has been muted at best, a potential reason why may be the widely shared thoughts of Andrew Ryce over at Pitchfork. 

Feel free to receive your daily dose of ZEF @DieAntwoord

Jehovah’s Witnesses Spank Their Monkeys In Silence

Hopefully you let me provide you with some context prior to watching the video. So, Jehovah’s Witnesses are not just lurking on your porch at 5AM on your favorite sleep-in day, they also have a website (jw.org) and they produce videos promoting their very serious message. Some of these videos are designed to teach their mission to deaf people, in this series of videos, there was one intent on teaching the acoustically impaired the importance of abstaining from masturbation, all in sign language! You can see the original video here, video # 22. Well, it was only a matter of time until it got redone and mashed with an R Kelly track, right? Now you can view that video above in all of its glory. It’s definitely gone viral, search on YouTube for various versions if you so desire.

Unfinished Flyness

When most of us start something creative, it often ends up in a dirty stack of shameful “wish I had more time” attempts in our basement somewhere. When Flying Lotus starts a song and chooses to leave it unfinished, it gets released via Twitter/Soundcloud and gets 65,000 plays in one day. Forget redistributing wealth in this country, how about we start with doling out ‘cool’ in a more equitable manner, spare time too.

This track is apparently a new remix of Frank Ocean’s “Thinking About You”, fans got pretty upset that this is clearly unfinished. FlyLo went on Twitter to apologize that he was drunk when he released the track and that it will come down soon. Yikes. Stream while you can?

Insane in the Chromatophores

Kudos to the Marine Biological Laboratory in Woods Hole, Massachusetts. In what I am assuming was some academically justifiable research, this squid was hooked up to a special IPOD bumping Cypress Hill’s “Insane In The Brain”. For the record, squid do not possess ears persay, but they do have the ability to be stimulated by sounds via impulses or something or other. Here’s an explanation of what you are seeing from some white coats.

The video is a view through an 8x microscope zoomed in on the dorsal side of the caudal fin of the squid. We used a suction electrode to stimulate the fin nerve. Chromatophores are pigmeted cells that come in 3 colors: Brown, Red, and Yellow. Each chromatophore is lined with up to 16 muscles that contract to reveal their color.

In other words, the illest observation of calamari rap ever!

Okay, enough of my scientific ineptitude, here’s a link to a conclusive scholarly report about this study at Neural Control of Tuneable Skin Iridescence in Squid! (via brainpicker)

Parodies Stink. Sean Price’s Rap Clinic? Not so much.

I hate parodies, be they movies, twitter accounts and/or random YouTube clips vying for the next viral highway, I despise them. That being said, this video of Sean Price running a clinic for primarily white rappers is wonderfully engaging. I’m a Mandela fan, so I love seeing P being put in positions where he has to do something other than spit gutter bars. For an obvious parody, I’d say he does a commendable job keeping the farce going. A shortened version was released via Red Bull a few days ago. This is the full version via Duck Down.

Dance Floor Dale [NSFW]

Flying Lotus aka the “Wonder from Winnetka” is the epitome of experimental. Two quick things about the man. Firstly, he’s the most talented producer under 30. Secondly, he’s supposed to be remixing Radiohead’s most recent album The King Of Limbs in its entirety! Here’s what he said about that recently:

“They wanted me to remix the new Radiohead record, and I’ve been trying to mess with that a little bit. But I haven’t gotten to it yet.” When asked how that remix might sound, FlyLo responded, “It’s too early to say, man. I have no fucking clue. It’s difficult to work with, because the pieces that they gave me, there’s no real a cappella. It’s like piano and voice at the same time… So I have to come up with some shit that’s a little similar to the record, I guess, to an extent.”

Back to this video, it was released late last year but keeps getting booted off YouTube and various other sites. The video features a middle aged couple getting their dam funk on and progressing into flat out rainbow sex.  The track is a personal dance floor favorite but I had circumstantially been challenged when it came to peeping the actual video. If you’re in the same boat as me, feel free to check this video out at work, just make sure your office door is closed, it would be a difficult piece of art to explain on a Friday. If the link ever dies, which it will, it is permanently being hosted at http://dancefloordale.com/.

Azealia Banks Is Still Here, Twitter Not So Much

“I’m a Young Black American Woman in 2012. I’m a 21-yr-old millionaire. i don’t have to prove myself to anyone… I’ve already paid my dues. I and the generations of women who came before me have been through enough stress and c**p to warrant me (the new generation) a very illustrious, lucrative, luxurious, STRESS-FREE career & life.”

That was a quote from Azealia Banks on her recent Tumblr activity whereby she pulled the “I’m done with rap” card. Ah, Azealia, Azealia, how uncomfortably predictable of you. She also fired her manager who was also Lady Gaga’s manager and deleted her Twitter account, complaining about how accessible the social media platform had made her. Though this is true for all of us, isn’t it the responsibility of a major label artist to produce said social media content? She complains on her Tumblr about not listening to “bloggers” who don’t have “real jobs” and then rants about how lucrative her manufactured image/brand/music has made her. Maybe it was the recent Kanye West beat hoax where she thought she was getting a Kanye beat and tweeted about it, only to find out it was a no-go. Personally I think she is having a bit of a manic episode, one that will most likely drop into a depressive state, at which point you may see it all Tumblr down. For now, get your “Kunt Fix” at her non-annoying social media locations: Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram.

Remember she’s a self declared millionaire and has an upcoming hip hop/rap mixtape about to be released, oh yeah, also has a world tour commencing. She seems to be doing just fine…

 Taken Hours Ago via Instagram

Brazilian Rapper X Brazilian Footballer [Emicida X Neymar]

When I think Brazil, I think soccer or futbol, that and beaches with scantily clad Brazilians. For big time soccer fans, watching the Brazilian league is secretly where it’s at, somewhat like watching games at Rucker Park for basketball fans. The league is full of fancy footwork and goals galore, a few stars as well. One said star is Neymar (yes, the one name thing is big there), known for his outstanding gamesmanship playing for the club team Santos (talk of him moving to Manchester United is buzzing right now), you may also recognize him from countless Nike commercials. As for the rapper, his name is Emicida, and has officially graduated to above ground status as of late, punctuated by his recent deal with Rockstar Games to fill out the Max Payne 3 soundtrack. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Diplo throw him some love, considering his love for Brazil and all. The video features Emicida showing why he’s all that in Brazil, and Neymar demonstrating his ability to karate chop his way out of situations that don’t involve a spotted ball. (Check out those spotted ball skills after the jump).

Sean Price Enjoys Long Walks In The Park

Sean Price is dropping his album titled Mic Tyson next month. In the meantime, he/Duck Down Records is releasing videos of music that WILL NOT be featured on the album. In other words, Duck Down wanted to generate a viral video to promote the album as well as the free show in Betsy Head Park tomorrow (see flyer). Thing is, when you try and make things “go viral” they inevitably fall astronomically short. Sorry Buckshot, but random clips of unicorns shooting rainbow farts or midgets on miniature ponies just doesn’t do it anymore, we’ve all been there and seen that. How about that free concert though? NY shows kill LA shows, seriously.

Indecent Proposal [The Jay Electronica Affair]

Ben and Kate Goldsmith are getting divorced! Not sexy enough of a headline for you? How about this? Rothschild heiress set for divorce after year long love session with Jay Electronica! Yeah, that’s better. When I came across this story (thank you Lady T) I was stunned by some of the juicy morsels embedded within this story. First of all, the married couple in question are the Goldsmiths, Ben, the son of the late tycoon Jimmy Goldsmith; his wife Kate is a descendant of the notable Rothschild family. In old school European terms, this couple was as close to royalty as one can get without winning the Prince Harry sweepstakes. Money wise they rivaled many a royal family within the Old Continent, when Ben’s father passed away in 1997, he inherited upwards of 600 million dollars, fat stacks brother. In addition they look to be a pretty palatable couple, I know uber rich couples all look the same after a while, but with Ben making the family millions, and Kate left to explore her artistic side with music, this has come as quite a shock for the gossip thirsty country to say the least.

 Ah, the music production angle. Now it starts to make a little sense. Jay Electronica is an eclectic guy (also a five percenter), his appreciation of the off beaten path can be seen in everything from his love interests (he has a child with Erykah Badu) to his music (the man has never released an LP). He moved to England over a year ago to explore creative interests overseas, a path often taken by rappers struggling to put out a final project. Apparently he linked up with Kate Goldsmith who has a sincere passion for her well funded career in music production. She runs a record label called Round Table, to which Electronica is signed. Kate was immediately taken aback by the U.S. born Electronica, as a friend describes it:

‘She is obsessed with this chap called Jay Electronica who is one of her clients. She is always on the phone to him and out  with him until four or five in the morning most nights. Sometimes she even stays with him.

Now the divorce part. Sexting was the culprit. Ben found some text exchanges between Kate and Jay, that has led to the current fiasco that is this blown up divorce to be. Police were called to their Notting Hill home (yes, fucking Notting Hill, priceless) to reprimand Ben for having “slapped her and having kicked a child toy at her”. Free now, he’s all business with the divorce, and apparently Kate is full on excited about moving forward with Jay. On May 21st he tweeted the following picture of her while tagging her in his tweet

Yesterday, he tweeted the following:

“Love”, it’s a crazy thing, you can have a billion dollars, but it can’t create or maintain the inexplicable connection that some of us choose to call amour. One last thing though, for a 5% who has a baby with Queen Badu, having a love affair with a billionaire white heiress from Notting Hill England is something to also talk about. You know me, race relations and love, horse and carriage.

Drankenstein Says “App”ly yourself!

Everyone has a Twitter account, thousands of “followers” and a Facebook account that has more spam than a Hawaiian lunch buffet. Remember when being on a new social network guranteed you some level of exposure, whether it be Reverb Nation, Soundcloud, Bandcamp, or countless others, if you played, you won a little. Those times are long gone, which is why I was so intrigued by Young Money rapper Short Dawg’s most recent attempt at exposing himself, creating a video game application for Google Play and the Apple Store; Drankenstein!

 The game is described as the following:

Join Short Dawg as he blasts through the crowded streets of Houston, capping gangsters and collecting his favorite purple beverage to transform into the invincible Drankenstein, smashing through cars with a rocket launcher and earning bonus cash! How fresh is your ride?

Yes, I know, it’s the worst application in the history of gaming applications, however, you do get to enjoy his soundtrack (if you like your money Young) during game play, and here’s the music sharing kicker, new tracks are downloaded right to your phone as you play. It ain’t rocket science, but it is music business science.

Still, you must like the music…

Gimme The Lute

Came across the picture, then stumbled upon the video. Big ups to those that have that medieval nerd lifestyle with Biggie blasting in their pods. Now, back to my inkhorn.

Pink Slime v. Casey Veggies

I know you want that meat, but you should stick with the Veggies. The pink slime is overrated. Don’t pad the pockets of the beef industry – instead, plant a garden and get that money.

Casey Veggies – Garden

Casey Veggies – Get That Money (Prod. By Polyester)