MJ VOTED INTO HALL OF FAME ON FIRST BALLOT, BODES WELL FOR THOSE BETTING THE SUN WILL RISE TOMORROW
On Nov. 7th, 1991, Magic announced he had “attained” HIV. If you had told me that 17 years later Magic would still be alive I wouldn’t have believed you. If you had told me that 17 years later Magic would be happier, wealthier, and more pimpin’ than MJ I would have called you a fucking idiot. Yet here I am in sunny Los Angeles, 2009, and Magic is all smiles all the time with an empire of Starbucks, gyms, movie theaters and worth $700 million. Michael, on the other hand, seems truly unhappy. A B-student in any community college psychology class could tell you that from watching one interview.
MJ got punked by Abe Polin (the Washington Wizards owner who fired Mike from the front office after he quit playing the third time). He’s divorced, works in North Carolina, makes questionable draft choices (Okay, so he didn’t exactly make a play for Greg Oden, but Adam Morrison? Really?), and he’s pissed off about being the most inevitable first ballot Hall of Famer in the history of sport (Pele doesn’t count, he was actually officially made a “National Treasure” by the boys in Brazil). Here he his, at guard, from North Carolina, in his own words (excerpted from the LA Times):
“Look,” Jordan somberly said, “this is not fun for me. I don’t like being up here for the Hall of Fame, because at that time your career is completely over, is the way I look at it. I was hoping this day is 20 more years, or actually when I’m dead and gone. . . . Now, when you get in the Hall of Fame, what else is there for you to do?”
“This is kind of a love-hate thing for me,” Jordan said ” . . . but for me, I’ll always want to be able to have you thinking that I can always go back and play the game of basketball. Put my shorts on. . . . Am I? No. But I’d like for you to think that way.”
“Hall of Fame?” Jordan said. “To me it’s like, OK, it’s over and done with. It’s pretty much done — you can’t ever put a uniform back on. It’s totally the end of your basketball career.
”It’s a great accomplishment, I don’t walk away from it. But I’ve never envisioned myself really wanting to be up here so quickly. I wanted it to be when I was 70 years old, or something, 80 years old, but I’m  and I still think I can play.”
LA Times – Michael Jordan can’t escape basketball Hall of Fame
MJ is my boyhood hero and I don’t want to kick the man while he’s “down”. But this isn’t the first time something wasn’t quite right with Mike. That’s obvious. Even Slam’s Scoop Jackson would probably agree. And his tongue is usually so far up Jordan’s ass it looks like his Airness is sitting on Gene Simmons’ face. Leave aside conspiracy theories (MJ’s marriage was a cover/sham, James Jordan Sr. was wacked over his son’s unpaid gambling debts or the baseball retirement was a “secret suspension” from David Stern) and you’re still left with some weirdness. Stephon Marbury’s arguably done more to combat sneaker street violence (Starbury). Honestly, I’m glad Air Jordans stayed unaffordable and full of mystique, but the fact remains that one of the guys currently doing life in the hooskow (as Mars Blackman’s alter ego would put it) for killing Michael’s pops was actually rocking an Air Jordan T-shirt at the time of his arrest. MJ’s kid charity (the Michael Jordan Foundation) was investigated and shut down over misappropriation of charitable funds. The Wizards comeback was welcome, but baseball? Really?
At least his Heels are on top and his girlfriend is hot, but come on, he’s Michael Jordan. In the words of another degenerate gambler, anything less would be uncivilized.
- G Plimp