Mos Def: Fallin’ Off Like Limbs Affected With Leprosy?

Mos Def playing Bill's Watson on Cosby Mysteries

Cosby Mysteries: before the Cos' decided he hates Hip-Hop

If you peruse the pages of Zebra is Food, you’ll come across some remarks disparaging the Mighty Mos Def for one reason or another.  To many, he’s come to represent some kind of eccentric, tofu-eating, yoga class-taking nut job— more middle-aged soccer mom than a serious rapper.  But I think we can all agree that Black on Both Sides was on some hotness.  What?  It came out a decade ago?  Shut up.  If that shit came out today, it would be no less of a masterpiece.

I bought The New Danger with my hard-earned cash.  I was disappointed as much as anybody else.  But in my opinion, Hip-Hop heads have been mistaking the experimentation of “Ghetto Rock” and “Boogie Man Music” from his last couple albums as a sign of Black Dante falling off.  Now, to oversimplify things, when a rapper is considered to have “fallen off,” this means 1) his/her rhymes are wack, 2) their subject matter sucks, and 3) perhaps, most importantly, they can’t choose dope beats anymore.  If even one of these conditions is not met, it’s actually arguable whether or not said rapper’s abilities have taken a dip.  Take Prodigy of Mobb Deep, for example.  He’s lost some gas behind his flow, rhymes are anemic, and all he seems to rap about (at least, before he went to jail) is cooking crack: Conditions 1 and 2.  But, by enlisting Alchemist to produce Return of the Mac Vol. 1 and 2, P smashed Condition 3 over the right field wall and raised doubts whether he’d really fallen off.

00+-+Mos+Def+-+The+Ecstatic+2009

My point is this: If you were looking closely enough, Mos has shown intermittent flashes of ill lyricism that would suggest he hasn’t lost his touch in the last 10 years.  In fact, I recently got my grubby hands on a copy of The Ecstatic, which is due to be released on June 9th, and, while the jury is still out, after a quick listen, it seems the lyrics are there.  And with some nice contributions from Madlib, Mr. Flash, Oh No, and J Dilla, Mos could definitely be back.  NY stand up.

MPFREE: Mos Def feat. Slick Rick – Auditorium

Mos Def is “of, pertaining to, or characterized by ecstasy?”

 

Voted Most likely Caddy to make the Tour

Voted Most likely Caddy to make the Tour

Not sure what he’s got to be so ecstatic about considering last time I saw him was live at the Ecko festival in Toronto in 07 getting straight harrassed by T-Dot thuggies, but Mos Def announced that his album “Ecstatic” will be dropping this summer, looks like June 30. After what apparently was a three year absence from the scene, Mos Def’s new album will feature production by Dilla (somehow), Yeezy, Madlib and his younger bro Oh No. Slick Rick will be guest starring, and of course Talib makes the mandatory contribution for his Blackstar patna. Peep the live performance at Seattle’s Moore Theater of one of the featured songs on the upcoming album , “Super Magic.”

MPFREEEE (a hard one to find): Mos Def- Auditorium

BTW, only cocky ignoramuses and Dancehall artists RELOAD like that…

Slick Rick Uses Da Art of Storytelling to Explain Unicorn Porn

 

My Little Pony: watch your ass!

My Little Pony: watch your ass!

The following are excerpts from an interview with Lord Ricky Walters, otherwise known as Slick Rick (The Ruler)


BBC Radio: It’s my pleasure to welcome the suave, debonair who’s capable of both great poignancy and bawdy humor, and gaudy jewelry on top of that. My next guest is none other than Mr. Slick Rick. Welcome and how are you? 

Slick Rick: Oh- just mutha fuckin’ randy. 

BBC Radio: Good and thank you for joining us this evening. You have been laying low for some time now, may I ask how you’ve been occupying your time lately?

Slick Rick: La-Di-Da-Di … we like to party.

BBC Radio: Yes, I’m aware. Recently, I ran into the colossal ballerina hip-hop artist known as MC Chuckle-Face who informed me about an encounter you two had late at night. MC Chuckle-Face said you were covered in glitter, pirouetting in pajamas with “feet slippers” spitting lyrics about the Never Ending Story, into an ornate cuspidor. 

Slick Rick: We don’t cause trouble, we don’t bother nobody.

BBC Radio: Well, apparently it bothered a lot of people. Because after you declared your desire to have sex with Harry Potter, you revealed your collection of unicorn porn. 

Slick Rick: “This ain’t funny, so don’t you dare laugh…” 

BBC Radio: No, sir. We are all professionals here. Why would I make mockery of my interviewee? Unicorns. You fancy them?

Slick Rick: Listen, to what I say, because this type of shit happens everyday. 

BBC Radio: Really? Are you really trying to convince me that getting your jollies off to Unicorns and mythical creatures in an enchanted forest is common? What do you say to those who question your sexuality?

Slick Rick: I go to the bathroom to wash up, I say a mirror mirror, on the wall…Who is the top choice of them all?

BBC Radio: Right. So it’s safe to say you are self-absorbed, but there are photos surfacing on blogs of you rubbing oil all over your body with little elf men.

Slick Rick: I used “oil of olay” cause my skin gets pale. Then I got the files, for my fingernails.

BBC Radio: Are you a rapper or a toiletry product? Suave, Nice & Smooth, Soft & Gentle, Shyne, All Fresh, All Natural, Remedy, Cream Silk, and Q-Tip are all far too masculine names for you. … This is quite unbelievable. You aren’t going to deny these allegations of dabbling in Unicorn porn? 

Slick Rick: True to the style on my behalf. I put the bubbles in the tub so i could have a bubble bath.

BBC Radio: Astonishing. You were getting jiggy with a real live Unicorn?

Slick Rick: There was a rumble dumble, five minutes it lasted…

BBC Radio: Oh my! You had sex with the Unicorn? I’m certain it was quite the mess. 

Slick Rick: Clean, dry, was my body and hair, I threw on my brand new Gucci underwear. 

BBC Radio: Did you fancy a game of leap frog with the Unicorn? If I’m not intruding too much, was it good?

Slick Rick: Well, I dilly (dally) and ran through an (alley). I broke the hell out like I had the chicken pox. 

BBC Radio: So, will you consider wearing a lion skin that makes you look less fat now? And do you have any interest in minotaurs? 

Slick Rick: It’s all just to see ya smile and enjoy ya’self cuz when we rock up on the mic we rock the mic right.

BBC Radio: We took an in-studio poll of who’s most likely to appear in an attic during a thunderstorm reading fantasy books, and you took the cake. Will this ultimately affect your uncanny ability to objectify women?

Slick Rick: Somehow your words just hypnotize me, … I just love your jazzy ways … 

BBC Radio: What? Who? Me or Unicorns?

Slick Rick: Once upon a time not long ago, when people wore pajamas and lived life slow, I was into bitches, but now its unicorns. 

cryptobeastiality?

Normal Perspective: Cryptobeastiality. Slick Rick Perspective: Threesome!