What The Fuck Has Happened To Hip-Hop

New York, New York, how many L’s are you going to take? What has happened to create a world where Soulja Boy can come at one of your most recognizable and successful names, call him a fag, challenge him to written and freestyle battles, and the response is “I don’t have a problem with Soulja Boy”, and then a couple of lame ass tweets? Let’s break this bullshit down piece by piece.

Fabulous, like tons of other people, made some jokes about the Kat Stacks, Soulja Boy drama on twitter. Quotes courtesy of Hip Hop DX:

Fabulous: “Lettin Kat Stacks in ur hotel room alone is #StupidBoySwag.. *All u rappers pay attention, that right there is called#StupidBoySwag* AYYYY”

Kinda funny, but nothing really that memorable. Yet for some reason Soulja Boy took offense and had a lot to say in response:

Soulja Boy: “lol fuck that lame ass washed up rapper named fabolous thats a gay ass rap name anyway”

“I tell you what fabolous get yo weak ass on wax and spit them weak ass bars so I can shit on you boy”

“I will murder that nigga fab in a freestyle battle he garbage compared to soulja boy”

Those are some pretty bold words coming from a person that couldn’t write a verse that would have been acceptable in the 90’s if his life depended on it. Not only that, but from someone who had recently been aired out for being a limp dick premature ejaculator, which is a combination God didn’t even know existed. I mean one or the other isn’t that uncommon, but busting a nut before you get hard? That’s some shit.

Now Fab’s not just from New York, but from Brooklyn. A place that forever has talked about themselves as somewhere where you will be punched in the face for just looking at someone the wrong way. A place that has proclaimed themselves as the mecca of lyricism and true talent in rap. So one would assume that Fab would bring the situation into one of two scenarios:

1.  A Physical confrontation. Preferably involving Fabulous himself (I mean Soulja Boy looks like he’d be a maximum of 130 pounds after going on the Super Size Me diet), but most likely involving one his goons, like in the Kat Stacks situation where his brother beats on a girl.

2.   A rap beef. Where Fabulous takes these comments as inspiration to finally go off on the talentless fucks that New York has been bitching about for years. And no they aren’t talking about every Southerner Jay Electronica, just the pathetic excuses for MC’s. Fab, as a commercially successful rapper that’s plugged into the major media outlets actually has a golden opportunity to come out with something legit, and be a hometown hero. Prove the value of lyricism and wit on a wide scale.

Whichever path Fabulous chose, he wasn’t going to allow a man who refers to himself as a “Pretty Boy”, and rides around with Lil B, a man who refers to himself as a “Pretty Bitch”, call him gay right? Wrong. Loso did everything short of straight up apologizing to Mr. Tell ‘Em.

You can watch the whole interview if you want, but the important part is this quote about the Soulja Boy situation:

“Everybody knows what Kat Stacks does and what she’s about. It was just funny to me. I just did it out of good humor, I have nothing against Soulja Boy. Soulja Boy’s a talent, he’s young, he’s doing his thing as a young man in this industry…I had a little fun on Twitter, I have no beef with Soulja Boy, hopefully he doesn’t have a personal gripe or beef with me. It’s just in good humor, people joke with me all the time. They have a Fab chipped tooth page of me on Twitter.”

Listening

Ez?

as I lie awake in some circumstance where circumcised and the un roam in docking paradise, it’s not pornographic, but kind of funny. The foamy mouth’s underlying wastebasket underpinnings resemble the wettest of dingleberries, combed out fresh in the morning by the fauna whom later touch your face, ever so gently squeezing out the aching three day old acne that squirts a mist of fine, mystifyingly blood-tinged, oily build up.

Ego tripping all the way down the stairs

I tink tink I tinkered too much with the television, now Chris Elliott won’t stop showing up, thanks AUTOMATOR AND PRINCE PAUL!

Chris Elliott as Jay Leno circa, who the fuck knows, but ages ago, when prosthetic chins were expensive. (nowadays, Seinfeld’s on TV again)

This WTF moment has been brought to you by Ladainian Tomlinson

The apparent need for professional football players to cut a music video, usually with a corny ass dance, is alive and well. In the tradition of the Bears Super Bowl Shuffle and the 1988 Philadelphia Eagles “Buddy’s Watchin You”, Ladainian Tomlinson has dropped the Electric Glide. This is one of those random as fuck entertainment phenomena, I still don’t understand what the mandate of this video is, it’s not selling anything! Weird.

My personal take: LT, if you’re going to shoot a music video which emulates snuff more so than hip hop, spend some of that gargantuan NFL contract you have on a videographer and a better green screen lab. It’s bizarre to even pass commentary on this video, what the hell is going on? Go donate some money to The Red Cross. Gawdy fucks.

The Lady Who Makes Me Gag(a)

An 18 year old employee of mine asked me the most ridiculous question today, she rudely put forth, ” you don’t like Lady Gaga?” This young lass asked this question with such audacity and awe that I was forced to ponder the question, call it mental rendition. I answered with a pathetic “I guess she’s OK.” Complete fail, she’s OK? She’s agitating, she’s trendy, she’s terribly untalented, she’s somewhat sexy in the bestiality kind of way, but she’s not “OK.” After hitting up Natural High to peep Karma tonight I knew my preference for substance was not music nerdy or socially elite, it was a simple dismissal of terrible radio junk. Lady Gaga is the type of artist that ends up in a figurative garbage can, considering it’s Gaga, she may end up in a physical one to boot. I can’t think of a reasonable historic example to exemplify my point here, but 4 Non Blondes and Milli Vanilli come to mind for some reason. Either way, this YouTube character, Lord Gaga, is the kind of viral identity I would usually dismiss with a passive glance and a wave of the mouse. But this character hammers my proverbial nails in Lady Gaga’s coffin, I can’t help but stare awhile, and yes, free my mind from an unknown interrogation cell in Syria.

Check this video of Lady Gaga while she was still human and a student at NYU.

Where Do Lambo’s Come From?

Ever wonder where all those savage exotic cars you find littered on rap video sets come from? If you thought they were rightfully owned and maintained by anyone actually shooting the video, I recommend you scroll back to our initial post, read all 666 subsequent posts and educate yourself, for you have failed. One particular rapper comes to mind when I think of outstanding vehicular taste, Brooklyn’s bad boy, Fabolous. His raps include more references to Italian cars than an avid Enzo Ferrari fan can handle. But if you take a look at this video and really note the details, it could be argued that no theft occurred at all. The valet guy gave the keys to a rare white Lamborghini to one of Fabolous’s boys, he took them, they drove off. Case of mistaken Lambo, case closed. I mean when you roll with Fab, all the whips start to look the same. This story did spawn a pretty decent joke in my head, that I shall burden you with now.

What do you say to Fabolous when you see him driving in a Lamborghini? Hey bitch, that’s my car! Help! Help! Police! Help!

Ron Artest Loves Afghan Women (Graphic Footage)

For the majority of Americans, Ron Artest is a crazy fool with a propensity to put his foot in his mouth and his fist in your face. But they don’t know Ron Ron like we do! He’s a politically empathetic man with a platform to do something good for the world, and gosh darn it, he’s doing it. In all seriousness though, the plight of Afghani women is not a comical matter. The topic should be taken extremely seriously, like how Ron should consider a good Beverly Hills therapist, and perhaps a class in political science at UCLA. If you see him walking the streets of your local Los Angeles locale, do what we’d do, give him a good kick in the ass, or ask for a “loan” at gunpoint, or both.