You have no idea how depriving it was to grow up a fan of Philadelphia sports teams. Well, perhaps you’ve witnessed a tree sloth being hunted, in that case, yes you can empathize with your average Philly sports fan. Until the Phillies took the World Series last year, the city of Philadelphia had not seen a world championship since the Sixers won the NBA Championship in 1983. Yours truly was a mere two years old. Oh yes, twas horrendous to root for the home team, so bad that Mac OSX had a widget called “The Cheesesteak of Suffering” which was a real-time clock counting the minutes and days that had gone by since that Sixers victory in ’83.
Thank god we took the World Series last year, I had been salivating and daydreaming about consuming that cheesesteak for nearly two decades. Now we’re back in the World Series for a consecutive year and will begin taking it to the Yankees on Wednesday night in the Bronx. That game will be kicked off by a performance of “Empire State of Mind” by Jay-Z and Alicia Keys, how awfully NYC of them. Jigga also stated the following prediction with some authority I may add:
“I’m gonna take the Yankees in seven … Dramatic A-Rod walk off at the end of the game, redeeming him for all the times the paper and media vilified him and… that’s specific enough?”
Ok that’s it. I’ve been defending Jay-Z’s apparent status as a Top 5 rapper of all time for way too long. Fuck it, Phillies in 5, Lee pitches two wins in the series, Alicia Key is a lesbian, and Jay-Z may not a Top 10 rapper. Philly stand up.